I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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