I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
