GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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