Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
