So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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