it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
