Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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