i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
