It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
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He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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