Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
