I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
