I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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