so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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