I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
