Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
