some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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