I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
