a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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