i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
