I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You've changed since you got that strap on
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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