And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
FUCK WHALES
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