do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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