Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
