I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
