mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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