his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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