Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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