an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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