CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
