i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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