Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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