Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How naked do you want me to be?
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