It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
