Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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