I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
