so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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