Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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