i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Success! We fucked roommates!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
please don't ironically join a cult
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