I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize