Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.