I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.