hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream