eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize