So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.