You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??