We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?