We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
