I think i peed on brittanys purse
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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