She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize