The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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