you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
