just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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