How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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