Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
