He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
