Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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