I'm so fucking centered right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
