ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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