I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
