I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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