It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
