3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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