when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
