I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize