I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
