I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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