No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just cut my nipple shaving
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
