Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
