Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
